A forklift halfpipe IMAGE: THE ONION
Yes, the picture is doctored, and you shouldn't try this at home!
Satirical news service The Onion
reports that the Occupational Safety and Health Administration has revamped the forklift certification process to feature a halfpipe portion.
"We want to ensure that all forklift operators are able to safely perform cool kickflips, heelflips, tail stalls and fakies," said acting administrator Jim Frederick, who explained that all OSHA-compliant courses would now require students to pass a test demonstrating their ability to shred on 22-foot-high (6.7 m) ramps, according to the report.
"With workplace accidents on the rise, we believe it's more important than ever that operators know how to ollie and when to bail. Forklift operators will be judged on speed as well as style. These new measures may seem tough, but remember, we don't want anyone ending up in a slam compilation."
The fake report ends with a warning that all companies that fail to comply with the new halfpipe requirements would be reported to Red Bull.
Editor's note: this report is intended as humour and is not a suggestion that safety be ignored.