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A MEMO FROM HEAD OFFICE

Number of messages: 4

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Lifter
New South Wales, Australia

Dear Employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much S**T (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of S**T it gives employees.. Should you feel that you do not receive enough S**T, please bring this to the attention of your Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the S**T you can handle.

Sincerely,

The Management

Posted 20 Mar 2009 12:17 AM

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Normandy
Co. Cork, Ireland

Hi Lifter

I am surprised that you have not had a response to this.

I imagine it is just to close to the truth for most.!!!!!

Posted 20 Apr 2009 06:38 PM

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finn_r
New South Wales, Australia

thanks lifter thats really funny.

-------------------------
safety is everything and everyone goes home again today.

Modified 25 May 2009 07:14 PM
by poster.

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beast411
Minnesota, United States

ahh to funny. good post

Posted 27 May 2009 01:21 PM

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